Friday, September 28, 2007

Cliché Script For VH1’s Behind The Music

If you’ve ever watched VH1 for more than oh, 10 minutes, you’ve seen one of its irritating Behind The Music specials – one hour “rockumentaries” looking back on the fast times and high life of some washed-up music star. At first glance, they seem like painstakingly researched, carefully written shows. But watch a couple of them, and you’ll start to notice that no matter who the show is about, every subject’s story is eerily similar to everyone else’s.





 

VOICE OVER: Even when (ROCK STAR) was a child, there was something that separated (HIM/HER) from the rest.

***

UNKNOWN FAMILY FRIEND: (HE/SHE) always wanted to be the centre of attention. We all knew right then that (ROCK STAR) would leave (HIS/HER) mark on the world.

***

VOICE OVER: (ROCK STAR)'s stormy years provided much of the inspiration for lyrics that would one day address the angst, insecurities and uncertainties of a future generation.

***

FORMER HIGH SCHOOL BOY/GIRLFRIEND: In high school, (ROCK STAR) just felt alienated from everyone- parents…peers…even members of the opposite sex. But looking back, I think that alienation made fertile ground for (HIS/HER) creative seeds.

***

VOICE OVER: Despite the lack of support from (HIS/HER) family and the overwhelming odds against success in the competitive music industry, (ROCK STAR) was prepared to face the struggle head on.

***

VOICE OVER: Just when it seemed all hope was lost, (ROCK STAR)'s long waited first opportunity came knocking.

***

SOME RECORD GUY: When I first 'eard (ROCK STAR)'s demo, I knew ('E/SHE) had something out of the ord'nary. I thought, "Who is this (GUY/GIRL)?"

***

ROCK STAR: I couldn't believe it. After all the lonely nights, missed meals and weeks without a paycheck I finally landed at number 17 on the Billboard charts. Here's me (ROCK STAR), the awkward (BOY/GIRL) from the mean streets of (ROCK STAR'S HOME CITY), and now I'm a star…literally overnight.

***

VOICE OVER: But all (HIS/HER) time on the road, coupled with the demands from promoters and the record company, was beginning to take its toll on (ROCK STAR)'s marriage.

***

VOICE OVER: As (ROCK STAR)'s fame skyrocketed beyond (HIS/HER) dreams, every form of pleasure fell easily within (HIS/HER) reach.

***

SOME ROADIE: There was a lot of sex. Let me just say that - there was a lot of sex. I mean, any (WOMAN/MAN) was at (HIS/HER) fingertips.

***

ROCK STAR: I'd roll into town for the concert and I couldn't even get to my hotel room without bodyguards. There were (GIRLS/GUYS) swarming me at every turn. It was crazy. It was really cool at first, but after awhile…I'm just a human being, man."

***

VOICE OVER: Always in constant supply was alcohol - and drugs.

***

ROCK STAR'S SECOND BASS PLAYER: At first it was just one big party, you know? We had some crazy times, man. We didn't think about tomorrow, we were having too much fun.

***

VOICE OVER: Constant media attention, coupled with the temptations brought on by the seemingly always present groupies, began to take its toll on (ROCK STAR)'s third marriage.

***

VOICE OVER: On the outside, (ROCK STAR) had everything one could ever want. But on the inside, (HE/SHE) was trapped in a personal hell brought on by drugs and alcohol.

***

ROCK STAR: Those were the tough times. It became harder and harder to top my previous success. It used to be my dream to be in the spotlight, and all of a sudden I couldn't get out of it.

***

VOICE OVER: (ROCK STAR)'s depression over declining record sales, coupled with the increasing hold drugs and alcohol had over (HIS/HER) life, began to take its toll on (ROCK STAR)'s fifth marriage.

***

ROCK STAR'S FORMER BEST FRIEND: (HE/SHE) wasn't the same person anymore. (ROCK STAR) was exhausted from life on the road and felt that the industry was ignoring (HIM/HER). Finally, (ROCK STAR) called me one day and said, "I'm taking a break, man. I have to find the individual who's been lost for years on a rock and roll roller coaster."

***

VOICE OVER: Something inside (ROCK STAR), however, couldn't keep (HIM/HER) out of the spotlight for long. When (ROCK STAR) played the first night of (HIS/HER) comeback tour, the critics listened and the record company executives crossed their fingers. But one thing was clear: (ROCK STAR) was back.

***

VOICE OVER: Today, (ROCK STAR) leads a life that bears little resemblance to the years that most will remember (HIM/HER) by. (HE/SHE) hasn't touched drugs in years and all those groupies have been replaced by (HIS/HER) sixth (WIFE/HUSBAND) and love of (HIS/HER) life, (SPOUSE'S NAME).