Sunday, February 06, 2011

PART II: Billy suggests some more new words

Continuation from PART I: Billy suggests some new words

21. Commercial organizations attempting to diversify into a market inconsistent with the company’s reputation. E.g.: Davidoff selling chocolates and coffee.

22. When telephoning a large corporation, the short pause which tells you that your (limited) enjoyment of the lo-fi light music is about to be interrupted by a snotty-voiced recorded woman informing you that your call is important to them, but not important enough to be answered right away, or possibly ever.

A typical Starbucks menu that offers more than 223 varieties of
coffee.
23. Offering a bewildering variety of options that it is impossible for the customer to get what they want. E.g.: Starbucks’ refusal to serve an ordinary cup of coffee.

24. The disgusting tactic of swapping price stickers at an upmarket clothing chain store.

25. The realization that cheap macho-WWF lines will not get you hooked up with a woman at a bar.

26. Indecisive and aimless shoppers pedalling back and forth across like ants.

27. Ready prepared meals which claim to serve two people despite containing less than half a mouthful of food. Their target market is tragic bachelors who don’t even know how to boil an egg.

28. The irrational feeling of shame inspired by accidentally producing the wrong loyalty card in a supermarket.

29. The feminine art of parking. Abandoning a motor vehicle in a convenient position which is out of the way of others rather than proving something which can’t quite be defined by maneuvering the car into a space so small that everybody has to get out through the sunroof or by shattering the windscreen.

30. The wounded look on the face of a techno-freak mobile phone owner who has just realized that someone else in the room has the same phone.

31. An acronym that everybody insists on repeating the last word of. See PIN number, ATM machine, HIV Virus or LCD Display.

32. The subtle vibration which indicates that you are using a mouse whose rollers haven’t been cleaned recently.

33. A person who derives inexplicable satisfaction from removing food from the microwave before it finishes the last beep.

34. Microsoft’s irresistible urge to release a pointless operating system platform every 3 years.

35. To discover by experimentation that a shatterproof ruler isn’t really shatterproof.

36. The glance of envy bestowed on someone who is using a parking spot next to the disabled zone.

37. The state of a dilapidated book, after repeated and drastic efforts to persuade the thing to lie open flat have resulted in the pages coming loose from the binding.

38. Guilty awareness that the hinges on one’s spectacles should have been tightened months ago.

39. Uncomfortable atmosphere generated in a telephone conversation, caused by the other party waiting for a segment of conversation predictable enough to allow him to change the handset to his other ear without missing something important.

40. To look oneself up on the internet- an entirely new form of self abuse for the digital age.

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